Nighttime Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's top entertainers used their broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration program, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock holiday song targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins each thing he handles."

The focus was the new program which permits international individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for an investment of one million dollars, or "premium" version for 5 million. An official website promises processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The best vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll ratings amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.